20 Weeks Post Op

Okay I messed up and ate 3 scoops of the richest ice cream I could get my hands on and thus paying the price by not dropping a pound this week. Whose fault is this? Mine. Mine. Mine. Wanted so badly to go below 270 but nevah so got to work hard this week to make up for the ice cream. So it's protein and sipping water and extra walking.
Date of Surgery 12/02/05 : 349.7 pounds
Today 04/28/06 : 272 pounds
Goodbye forever : 77.7 pounds
Will work hard this week to go below 270.
Got to keep on track.

Naughty Naughty I am kicking my own butt. Today I was naughty. Should listen to my own advice. Miss " Think She Got It All Under Control" ! I listened to the devil on my shoulder and I went to a specialty candy store to buy gifts for the realtor who helped us get our home in San Antonio. Well, they have this ice cream bar that I used to buy my favorite ice cream from. Well, went to the ice cream bar and bought my husband his favorite flavor and took it out to the car for him, saying okay I didn't get mine. Got to the car, gave him his and told myself I can't drive away till I get a taste of my favorite orange creamsicle w/ pineapple knowing damn well it is homemade with pure milk and lots of sugar. Worst yet they sell them prepackaged three huge scoops in a bowl. Told myself I would have a teaspoon of it every day till it's gone. Well one teaspoon later there was nothing in the bowl. And now three hours later even after sleeping cause of feeling yukky, I am still burping, feeling like I been runover and wishing I would just vomit. But I don't vomit, instead my tummy hurts and I just got to sit this through. I got a mean headache and feel just like #%&# There is absolutely no excuse for my behavior. Just plain dumb choice. Tomorrow I am walking extra cause I will kick myself if I gain any weight from this stupid decision!

19 Weeks Post Op

Last Friday the 21st was my 19th week post op. Was just too busy to wiegh in. All in all, I had a very good week. Down 4 pounds.
It was great to take a break from packing and fixing the house. The craft fair was lots o fun. With planning I was able to stop myself from indulging at all the food booths. I was just so overwhelmed with the compliments that I had more of a motivation to stick to my weight loss goals.
I did go to another funeral yesterday for a 28 year old young man. Lately there's been quite a few funerals, don't know why I have been faced with all this sadness though at each one it has been a celebration of life. I find myself looking at how precious life is. I have been reminded that each day I have on this earth is special. God must have a reason. I just keep thinking that it could have been me. I am just so thankful I have this second chance at life.
I have been doing my protein shakes twice a day, taking my vitamins and sipping water as I should. Every morning I go walking and today I went the pool and walked in the pool. Just so happy that it is warm enough to go in. I marvel over the fact that walking is not a problem any more and I still get delighted and amazed when I put on my jogging shoes by myself. It is nice to be more independent and not having to have my husband take care of simple tasks for me.

Craft Fair

Have been working at a three day craft fair with my sister since Thursday. Have been having lots of fun, selling, checking out crafts. I used to be an active vendor but haven't done it almost 4 years due to being to ill. Was nice to see old craft friends. Loved the pleasant surprised looks on their face when they saw me and the compliments galore. Enjoyed sharing about WLS and how much it has turned my life around.

Life is a blast since surgery. Never thought I'ld be able to do a fair again. Looking at all the crafts I can't wait to unpack in Texas and get with it again. My husband is crazy if he thinks he can get crafting out of me. Just loved the interaction with people, the excitement of the fair. It's Merry Monarch week in Hilo. Merry Monarch is the biggest hula event in the State of Hawaii, it lasts an entire week. Hula groups from around the world come to Hilo to compete against each other. There are craft fairs all around town, people from all the islands fly in with their crafts, so there is lots to see and do. Well this super energy I have, I am able to walk all over the place and check out everything. I just love it.

Yes, there is tons of food booths everywhere. I bought some stuff to taste for old times sake and found that my taste buds have changed and I don't like them, handed it over to my sister after a nibble. I had packed my little cooler with little plastic bowls with my protein foods, my mandarin oranges so I've been doing good. All that walking checking out different vendors has kept me exercising.

Today is the last day of the fair so I'm up early getting ready. Today is our big parade so that should be fun. I am enjoying myself, socializing more than selling craft. Life is so muc easier to live now.

This is a before pic of me 06/2004 at a class reunion. I was the biggest person in the class. Was not too happy about it. Also thought it would be last one I would ever attend. 

Here's me at 275 pounds. Easter Sunday 2006. 

Day After Easter
I made it through my sister's Easter Breakfast Buffet. Prior to going, I pulled out my little dishes and bowls. In one dish I put a serving of two ounces of shrimp, with diced tomatoes, green onions and diced salmon. In a bowl I put mandarin oranges and topped it with a heaping tablespoon of cottage cheese. Covered the dishes with saran wrap. Grabbed my baby spoon. I was determined not indulge in whatever she was serving. Took extra cottage cheese and some canned pineapple chunk just in case in another container.

On the way to her house I stopped at the bakery and bought a custard pie, a chocolate dobash cake and a lilikoi (passion fruit) cake. I'm usually the aunty who brings the deserts and couple dozens of sugar glazed donuts. I had no desire to eat any of this stuff. I was determined to watch them eat it for me. It may be crazy, but I enjoy watchng others eat what I no longer can or want to eat. ( I've stopped doing this to my husband cause he has gained 20 pounds since my surgery.)

Well, when they started frying the eggs, sausage and so on, I started getting nauseated by the smell of the grease. It's amazing I now can so keenly smell grease. That immediately turned me off from the buffet. Though when my sister sat next to me, I longingly looked at her plate and memories of eating the sausage got to me and I asked her for a nibble. Took a nibble, and instantly the taste of grease hit me and thoughts of being "big" hit me and what happened the last time I tired eating meat, I spit it out. Just not worth it. Went back to eating my mandarin oranges and cottage cheese.

Well, bringing my own meal eliminated anyone trying to get me to eat anything else. No one had to be my food cop. And I brought what I enjoy eating so I had no problems of feeling that I was missing out on the buffet. One thing I am lucky about is that my family is supportive and they just so happy that I am not so sickly any more.

I actually wore a dress. That surprised them all. I felt pretty in the dress, haven't had that feeling for a long long time. Bought it marked down to $6.99 at Ross's. My sisters had me twirl around so that they could check me out from all angles. Had compliments galore. I felt myself sitting up straighter and smiling more. I even let them take a pciture of me, which ususally I refuse to have done.

Kept telling myself, "this is the new me" . I felt good about myself. I can get used to this. Such a wonderful feeling.

18 Weeks Post Op

The week has gone by so quickly. Tommorrow makes 18 weeks post op. Had a great week. If I feel hungry I have some cottage cheese and fruit, other than that it has been fish and steamed vegies. Drinking lots of water and getting in my protein drinks twice a day. Went walking twice this week around the neighborhood and in the mornings the rest of the days around Walmart due to the rain.

Had an "oh yea! " moment this week, as I took out my Nike jogging shoes (that I have had about 3 years and looks like I just bought them today). I have been walking in my slippers cause I was sure my shoes would not fit. Put the shoes on myself, socks and all. I had to call my husband and ask him to watch me put the second shoe on. I tied the shoelaces myself! Unbelievable ! I don't know when I last put on my own shoes. My husband always had to put on my socks and shoes. I couldn't reach my feet. I just could not believe it. What an awesome feeling. And now since I can put them on, I want to use them, thus I am doing more walking.

I can not explain the feelings of wonder I have just because I can put on my own shoes.

I met with my psychologist yesterday. I shared with her my feelings of happiness for having had WLS. I once talked to her about dying and how I felt being so obese and so very sick. How I was tired of living. Now I talk to her about life and all the things I am doing now that I could not do just 19 weeks ago and all the things I want to do. I talked about my feelings of inner peace and accepting that my life has changed and that I was willing to do what ever it takes to be this new healthier me.

I think my many years of being a social worker is also the reason I am doing great. I never thought that I would care for myself first before others. It has always been others before me. I was always everyone else's lifeboat. Thinking of me first was just not acceptable. I was killing myself, taking on everyone else's burdens, trying to save everyone. The stress was unbearable and it in turn played a big role in my poor health. I refused to listen to my doctors and one psychologist even told me that she would no longer see me as she could not stand by and watch me killing myself, they all said that my job was killing me, leave it. I refused to listen.

God works in mysterious ways. My husband was taking care of me as I stubbornly kept going to work. Then my husband got seriously injured and our roles completely reversed. Who was going to take care of me? The kids are on the mainland, I am alone. I had no choice but to force myself to take care of my husband and forget that I myself was of poor health. A whole year I was in complete denial about my health, I did not have time to dwell on me, until December 2004 and the paramedics could not find a pulse and I had to be rushed in an ambulance to the hospital. I asked God to please give me one more chance while I lay in that ambulance as they worked on me. I put myself in his hands.

I haven't been to work since that day. I missed all my clients. I worried about each an every one. My psychologist had to help me deal with these feelings. I felt like I had abandoned all of them and that I was a failure. In December 2004, I also put my name on the waiting list for WLS and I started to research the surgery. My goal was to have the surgery and return to work. But as the days went by and through therapy, I started to let go my wanting to go back to work, it was like my job had died and I finally was able to move on with my life. I began to accept that it was okay to think of myself first. What a "freeing" feeling! I can now look back, and say I made the right decision to leave my job. My job was killing me, it controlled me. I chose life and I don't regret it at all.

I had a year to prepare for WLS. My surgeon has his patients get counseling, provides info of the surgery and what life is like after, take numerous tests, even a psychiatrict test. I went on the internet, read everything I could find. Watched the surgery on the net numerous times so that I would know exactly what the surgeon was going to do to me. I had this surgery so that I could have my life back.

Only in the past few weeks have I found inner peace. It's like the door closed on my past obese sickly life and I have walked through another door and I found myself reborn. It is diificult to put in words how I feel except to say that my heart is bursting with joy. I think my girlfriend Keola's funeral was the catalyst that closed the door on my old life and pushed me through another. As I sat at the funeral and looked at her urn, I told myself that it could be me instead of her. This could be my funeral. I quietly thought of all my struggles as an obese person. I sat there and cried for Keola and I cried for me. I knew then that I had to say goodbye not only to Keola but also to the old obese me, life has to go on and in order for it to do so, then I have to do whatever it takes to have life.

God truly works in mysterious ways.

Date of surgery 12/02/05: 349.7 pounds
Today 04/13/06 : 276 pounds
Goodbye forever : 73.7 pounds

17 weeks post op

It's 17 weeks and 2 days post op but was too busy on Friday/Sat to go to the airlines to weigh myself. I know I could use another scale but this one has to be precise so what ever the numbers, it is the real McCoy and anyway lately I have been enjoying the cheers I have been getting by the workers there, as my weight has been going down. Now I practically run to that scale smiling.

Drum roll...................
Date of surgery 12/02/05: 349.7 pounds
Today 04/10/06 : 279 pounds
Goodbye forever to : 70.7 pounds

Decided to say goodbye to the pounds. When I say "loss or lost" sound like something I got to go find and I sure as hell don't want to find those 70 pounds again. I broke the 280 mark and I am so happy, kind of want to jump up and down kind of happy. Life is so good now. Have not been as healthy as I am for years. I find myself always smiling now. I actually also find myself looking people in the eye instead of looking all over trying to avoid being noticed. And now I don't mind looking into a mirror, yep the skin is all there but I am actually looking in the mirror now. Hated mirrors. Now it's "yep" that's me, the shrinking big grandma! Can't wait to get on that plane. The last time I went I was pushed to the baggage area in a supersize wheelchair, the face of my oldest son just broke my heart as it registered shock and concern as he walked towards me. This time I will be strutting down the gangway in a cute outfit. Just can't wait to see the faces of my children and grandchildren as they greet their thinner healthier mama/grandma.
Got a few more weeks of packing and fixing my house here in Hawaii. My niece and her hubby came over last night. I laughed as their four children under the age of six wiggled and giggled all over the house. They will be staying here. The four kids just bubbled in glee when I showed them their rooms which my sis and I had painted. One is Barney purplish colored and the other the aqua blue of Little Mermaid. I just can't believe that my sis (who used to assist her handyman husband till he passed away 10 months ago) and I, hammered, tiled, fixed the plumbing and painted the walls and all. Saved alot of money doing the work ourselves. Without having had WLS I would have never accomplished what I have done with the house since getting out of the hospital. I can now fix things around the house, no problem. The greatest thing about it all is that my sister and I had a lot of quality time together. We talk about her hubby and missing him, the future and so on. She is 10 years younger than me. I have been encouraging her to go back to school, which she is come September. She has two sons, one is 18 and the other 11. We also talk about not letting herself go and becoming as big as I was, after all we share those heart and diabetic genes. She has been a great support, always encouraging me to do what I got to do to be healthy.
Since I got my head together, things have been great. I am more at peace with myself. I am so happy with my decision to have WLS. I am so happy with this new me. I love my body, loose skin and all, and in just these few weeks, I wake up each morning eager to start the routine of taking care of this body of mine. Told myself that this is the only body I have that God gave me to live in. Without this body I will have nowhere to live. The greatest gift I could give myself is to malama "take care" myself.

Read this: Everytime you choose good healthy foods, you are choosing life, which is God's gift to you.

TALKING STORY WITH ROSE

Rose had her WLS surgery in December 2004. One year before me. Was so nice to see whatis left of the old Rose (smile) she looks absolutely gorgeous, slimmer, new hairdo, and a healthy glow. We sat and talked about people treating us like we did something wrong for having this surgery. Rose's female boss needs to be popped one as she has lately been Rose's food cop and her comments are not nice but very curt and sassy. Her boss makes all kinds of comments about what she looks like and actually said that anytime now Rose going blow up again and stuff like that. Well, I told Rose I also ran into her boss who sarcastically asked me "so you when get the surgery hah?, how many pounds you when lose and what you eating what you supposed to? easy heh for lose weight? You can eat all you like and no gain nothing. So you eat potato chips and stuff?" and on and on. I was so appalled cause she was getting louder and louder and people was starting to stop and listen. Now the Boss is obese herself, so I like slap this witch, right, but I didn't though I really wanted to. Told her I was doing fine and was walking away from her as she was bombarding me with her remarks. Finally said look, I got to go okay, have a good day.

Rose and I talked about her boss. We have concluded that she is jealous and apparently very unhappy with her own life. So why take it out on us? Who knows. I feel sorry for Rose who has to deal with her everyday andbe polite cause she is her boss. I would not be able to bear it. I'ld be in jail today.

MAY BE 75 or MORE?

My 75 year old dad goes to Walmart McDonalds to have his cup of coffee before walking 3-5 miles every morning at 7am. I have been meeting him there some mornings just to talk story since WLS. Each time he would see me walking towards him, he would make some comment about how I was losing weight. From my thinner face, to my shoulders and legs. This morning I went to meet him dressed in a pretty lavender/purplish layered long hippy type skirt and a sleeveless pullover blouse to match, wearing large dangling earrings and with my blingy purse on my shoulder.

Dad gave me the biggest smile and said, "You look real good. Boy, you have lost a lot of weight. My skinny daughter is back!

Now I still got about 100 pounds to go but from 5xxxL blouses I am now wearing 30/32 W and they are quite loose on me so I should go a size smaller and my skirt is a women's XL which in no way I would have been able to get down past my neck or up my thighs just 4 months ago.

Dad's big smile and sparkling eyes surely made me feel good. Dad is a healthy as can be, after all he walks every day rain or shine, goes bowling, walks his dog and watches what he eats. He was so concerned about my poor health prior to surgery. Just two years ago my mom passed away with complications from diabetes: congestive heart failure, high blood pressure, obesity, she had several strokes. He was very worried that I would not live long and leave this world too. He was very supportive of me when I made the decision to have this surgery though he was very worried. He has been one of my biggest cheerleaders since surgery.

Gave dad the biggest kiss, when we were done talking story, he headed off to do his walking, I grabbed a cart for my purse to ride on and zipped around Walmart with the biggest smile on my face.

I never thought I'd live to age 50, then 55, now I saying wow I get chance to live till 75 and beyond, look at dad, look at how healthy he is. I can do this. I can make it happen.

April Fools Day

I remember back then when we used to play tricks on each other on this silly day. One thing I am glad about it is that no one can say " April Fool" to me about my being healthier and trimmer. I can truly say "I have Arrived", for a time there I was stuck in limbo. The mind can really mess you up if you don't take charge of it.

On Friday I weighed myself:

Date of surgery 12/02/05 : 349.7 pounds
03/31/06 : 281 pounds
loss : 68.7 pounds

I have lost 4 pounds this week, thanks to Holly's tip about proteins, proteins, proteins, and sipping lots of water and taking a walk every day this past week.

Also got my lab work back and my glucose A1C is 7.1, yep 7.1 my doctor can not get over how in just a few months my Type 2 diabetes has just about disappeared. From six insulin shots a day pre surgery I am now taking one low dosage shot at night, which will soon end. My cholestrol numbers is great. My blood pressure is normal as can be. Not suffering from congestive heart failure any more. Sleeping like a baby, no CSAP machine and that awful mask any more. I have not been this healthy for years.

I feel so good, inside and out.

Okay weekend, here I come.................