Big Grandma Not Big Any More

Monday, January 29, 2007


Sandi posted this in the Neighborhood and really I need to sit and listen:
***Disclaimer*** While this may sound like I'm preaching AT YOU, this is mostly to me. Just gotta get my head straight. No finger pointing here, ok?**************************************************************************What does it really take to live successfully after weight loss surgery?If I am lying to myself about working my program, it's just one more level to lie to others. We get on our message boards and we (I) lie about how I'm doing, justify my behaviors, and make up a fictitious world where I am in control and I'm a shining star. Or an abysmal wreck of lost and hopeless victimization. Is there no happy medium ground where I just live?The one character flaw that I hold most responsible for my morbid obesity and my lack of personal fulfillment is a lack of integrity in my personal and most private self. If I'd been honest with myself before I became morbidly obese, I may never have used compulsive overeating as a way to numb myself to my impending physical doom.But that was then. What about now?If I can't be honest with myself about what's going on, I'm doomed again. I may not gain 100 pounds. Stats say I will, but I may be able to fight it off. The real tragedy here though is about how miserable and depressed I will become if I can't own up to myself and others about the real me. I don't need more people to lie to. I don't need more lies to tell.If I say I'm not eating such and such, I need to not be eating it. If I say I'm running X number of minutes/ X number of miles, I need to be honestly doing that. I know what I am supposed to be doing. I need to do it. With honesty and integrity.Sure, I can impress a lot of people with magic words. But I know that I'm kidding myself. And it's only a matter of time before they see the trick behind the words. I can delude myself with all kinds of smoke and mirrors, but deep inside of me, I know it's only a matter of time before I have to come out and face the music.The only way to live after wls, is the only way to live period: with stark honesty and scrupulous integrity in all of my affairs. That is the only way I'll ever know happiness. It is the only way I'll know true freedom and success.

Saturday, January 20, 2007


New year! New you?New "wines" - and new wineskins - for 2007 January 15, 2007 - by Rick Warren
In the ancient world there were no glass or plastic bottles. Instead, they put liquids into animal skins that were sewn together and used like canteens. Eventually these skins would become brittle and would break, spilling out the liquid.
Jesus once referred to these wineskins to teach us about change. He said, "New wine must be poured into new wineskins." (Luke 5:38 NIV) This is a principle of life: New situations always require new structures. A new job often requires you to learn new skills. A new relationship often requires new ways of relating.
What are your old wineskins? Old ways of thinking? Old habits? They could be outdated ways of acting, or talking, or responding that worked well in the past but aren't useful or helpful anymore.
The beginning of a new year is a great time to re-examine your life. As we begin 2007, will you hold on to old wineskins or will you abandon them for new ones?
It is safe to assume that you will face three new "wines" in 2007: new problems, new pressures, and new possibilities. To handle these new challenges, you'll need the new "wineskins" of creativity, conviction, and courage.
New problems will require creativity
Unfortunately, you're bound to have more problems in 2007. The good news is they won't be same problems you had in 2006. You get a whole new set! These new problems will require new solutions - which require creativity.
Your old ways of thinking and relating, your old attitudes may not work anymore. That's why the Bible says, "The intelligent man is always open to new ideas. In fact, he looks for them." (Proverbs 18:15 LB)
Most people spend more time and energy trying to get around problems than they do solving them. Instead of avoiding or ignoring your problems in 2007, ask God to give you the creativity to solve them.
A few years ago, a 105-year-old man was interviewed on The Today Show. The reporter commented, "I'll bet you've seen a lot of change in your lifetime." The man replied, "Yes, and I've been against every one of them!"
To stay creative you must intentionally avoid a hardening of the attitudes. You've got to keep growing and developing. Attitudes are like diapers: Every so often they need to be changed or they start to stink!
New pressures will require conviction
Conviction is a willingness to stand up for what you believe. Romans 12:2 says, "Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold, but let God remake you so your whole attitude of mind is changed." (Phillips) Before you get too far into 2007, I suggest you sit down and write out what values are going to be important to you in the new year.
Back in the 1980s, a singer called Boy George rose to the height of popularity singing,"I'm a man without conviction." But today you don't hear much about him. Why? Because you don't last in life without conviction.
More than ever before, in 2007, we need men and women of conviction who say, "I'm going to do the right thing no matter what the consequences are."
New possibilities will require courage
Each new year brings new possibilities - opportunities for growth. These are exciting times to be alive. I'm sure God wants to do great things in your life in this very year, but it won't happen automatically. You've got to step out in faith. There's always an element of risk. Hosea 10:12 says, "Plow new ground for yourselves, plant righteousness, and reap the blessing your devotion to me will produce!" (GNT)
What are you planning to harvest this next year? Three-hundred-sixty-five days from today, how will you be any different? If you want to be different, you've got to start cultivating some new habits, activities, and relationships now!
Success doesn't just happen. It takes real and consistent effort. What do you want to be different in your ministry ... your family ... your finances ... or your walk with Christ? Whatever you sow is what you will reap! If you don't sow anything, you won't reap anything.
I dare you to do something different with your life this year!
One of the most common mistakes Christians make is that they think they can live their lives off a single commitment they made years ago. My spiritual birthday is Jan. 23, 1960. The first 10 years of my Christian life, I tried to live on the basis of that one decision. I thought it was enough to carry me the rest of my life. I wondered why I wasn't growing as a Christian and becoming all God wanted me to be. I prayed, but I didn't see that many answers.
Then in 1970, I discovered that the Christian life is a continual renewal and daily recommitment to Christ. It's not just a once-for-all decision.
As we begin another year, I don't know a better time for each of us to recommit ourselves to Jesus Christ and his purposes for our lives. I'm doing it, and I hope you will too!

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Thursday, January 18, 2007


Diane Shared this and I am keeping it with my Blog so as it does not get lost:


How many times have we heard the familiar passage “God helps those who help themselves?” We hear it quite frequently, don’t we? In order to fully understand that passage let us turn to it. You all know where it is located don’t you? Maybe it is in the book of Hezekiah or possibly Phillips 66:1. No, that’s not right. Look as we may we won’t find that passage in the Bible. Although often quoted and stated this phrase doesn’t come from the Bible nor is it even Biblical in origin.

In fact this quotation has come down to us from GREEK MYTHOLOGY! Specifically it comes to us from one of Aesop’s fables, of the 6th century B.C. Let’s read this fable entitled “Hercules and the Waggoner.” “A Waggoner was once driving a heavy load along a very muddy way. At last he came to a part of the road where the wheels sank half-way into the mire, and the more the horses pulled, the deeper sank the wheels. So the Waggoner threw down his whip, and knelt down and prayed to Hercules the Strong.

‘O Hercules, help me in this my hour of distress,’ quoth he. But Hercules appeared to him, and said: ‘Tut, man, don’t sprawl there. Get up and put your shoulder to the wheel.’The gods help them that help themselves.”

The saying “the gods help those that help themselves” evolved to “God helps those who help themselves” as the phrase was repeated and passed on from culture to culture throughout the centuries. And, Christians, as well as others, often quote this phrase thinking it is Biblically based, without realizing that it actually originated from pagan mythology.

But, you may say, isn’t it still true? Doesn’t God expect us to work as hard if we were doing it all and yet expect Him to work things out for us? That is what most of us have been taught BUT that isn’t the teaching from Scripture.Let us notice just a few passages.

Psalms 25:3 “Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.”
Psalms 25:5 “Lead men in thy truth, and teach me: for thou [art] the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.”Psalms 25:21 “Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.”
Psalms 27:14 “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.”
Psalms 37:7 “Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.”
Psalms 37:9 “For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.”
Psalms 62:5 “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation [is] from him.”
Psalms 130:5 “I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.”
Psalms 145:15 “The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in due season.”
Isaiah 40:31 “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.”
Lamentations 3:25 “The LORD [is] good unto them that wait for him, to the soul [that] seeketh him.”
Hosea 12:6 “Therefore turn thou to thy God: keep mercy and judgement, and wait on thy God continually.”
What does it mean to “wait?” These are only a few of the many verses that tell us to “wait on the LORD.” What are we being told to do? To “wait” means to “stay or rest in expectation and patience; to stop or remain stationary, till the arrival of some person or event.” It is our human nature to take matters into our own hands and try to make things happen on our own.
Before we discuss what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t be doing let us look at a few more Scriptures.
Psalms 4:5 “Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD.”
Psalms 37:3 “Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.”
Psalms 73:28 “But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.”
Psalms 115:10-11 “O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD: he is their help and their shield. Ye that fear the LORD, trust in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.”
Psalms 118:8-9 “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in princes.”
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”
Proverbs 28:25 “He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat.”
Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”

So, the question we need to answer is, “Are we to sit around like lazy bums waiting for life to be handed to us on a silver platter?” Do we work at everything as if we were doing it all? We do know that faith without works is dead. We must be doing certain things. The Word is quite clear that we are to carry on our daily lives working to provide for our families. Yet, even that is within the framework of Scripture; it is God that gives us the power to get wealth (Deut. 8:17-18).

There are many areas in our lives that are beyond our human capacity to address. And, there are areas that God gives us specific instructions and teaching.

Some areas are much like the Israelites at the Red Sea. God tells us to “Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD...” There are times that God gives specific instructions of what to do. You may remember the account of Naaman recorded in 2 Kings 5. Elisha, the man of God, sent a messenger to tell Naaman to go and wash himself in the Jordan seven times and then he would be healed of his leprosy. Jesus instructed the ten lepers to go and shew themselves to the priests. And, as they went they were cleansed.

As an aside, you might notice that in neither of these cases were the individuals told to go to the doctor. And, there are no Scriptures instructing us to go to doctors. James tells us rather to call for the elders of the church, to be anointed with oil in the name of the Lord. (James 5:14) Earlier in the book he had told us to “ask in faith, nothing wavering...” (James 1:6) He continues in the next verses stating that if one wavers he shouldn’t think that he would receive anything. Verse 8 is pretty pointed, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” Being double minded is saying you are looking to God, putting your trust in Him and at the same time looking to the arm of flesh, to man to take care of the situation.

As the Psalmist said, “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.” We read from Isaiah that “they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength.”About now some of you are asking, “What about James’ statement that faith without works is dead?”

Have we ever considered that “waiting,” “trusting the LORD,” and “the trying of our faith working patience” are the real WORKS that God wants? Perhaps the hardest “work” we will ever do is waiting on God to act, trusting Him with patience.

Because waiting, trusting, believing, exercising patience is SO hard we want to “look to our own understanding.” We want to look to the flesh, the physical. We say we know God can do all things!

And, we know that He says that if we believe we will receive whatsoever we desire when we pray. Yet, we want to “do something” to help God. We don’t appear to really believe and trust Him.

Let’s look at one last Scripture, Jer. 17:5. I quote this from the Bible in Basic English as it is a bit clearer. “This is what the LORD has said: Cursed is the man who puts his faith in man, and makes flesh his arm, and whose heart is turned away from the LORD.”

The saying “God helps those who help themselves” is a false statement. A truer statement is:
"God helps those who trust in Him".

May as well be true to myself. I am not going to make it in this journey of life after WLS unless I am true to myself. I can either chooose to struggle or I can get with the plan and do what I got to do.

I told myself at the beginning that I was going to follow the rules and use this first 18 months to get the max results. So why am I wasting precious time? The only loser in all this will be me. Why do I keep testing myself, throwing needless hurdles in front of myself. It doesn't have to be this hard. I know I am making it hard for myself.

You know I trusted God to bring me through the surgery. Yeah, I did. Presurgery I put all my faith in God and I asked him to help me lose the weight and be healthy enough to be able to have the surgery. I went every day to the county pool, rain or shine, no matter how cold it was, and walked and I prayed and sang Gods praises as I walked. I put myself in his Hands and trusted him to help me. And I lost that weight I needed to lose and I was not afraid to face surgery cause I knew in my heart that God would take care of me.

My blood pressure was so high that morning of surgery, that they did want to do the surgery. I said "go ahead do it, I will be okay". In other words I put myself in God's hands and I trusted him. I believed in God, I trusted him to bring me through the surgery, I was not afraid and I knew I would be okay, and he did. Yes, I did wake up in intensive care and yes, they were struggling to bring my blood pressure down, but I knew I would be okay and I knew God was allowing me to live. He gave me another chance.

I've been doing alot of thinking about this. Now why would he bring me through this surgery unless he has a purpose for me being here? Really? How many times do I have to face death before I go beyond believing in him and truly put myself in his hands and trust him. Twice in my life I have had to be literally revived. Once I even watched ER people working on me as I watched from outside of myself, and I was going towards the bright lights of the Other Side and instead was sent back to LIVE. (Yes, I felt the warmth and I was not afraid to walk toward the Lights, I felt so welcome. I did not feel Alone. Having gone through that experience I am not afraid to die.)

I know deep inside me of, this is my Last Chance to Live, this is it, I will have no more chances.

I need to Trust God enough to stop trying to manipulate my life and do it my way, instead of "giving him the wheel and letting him drive". I love that song that Carrie Underwood wrote and sings.

Jesus Take The Wheel ~ Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to CincinnatiOn a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It would been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands'
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the wayI've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on

Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

That's my problem, many many times, I believe in Him but I don't trust Him with Me. I keep circumventing his plan, I keep rewriting it my way, instead of going beyond just believing and trusting Him. Instead of putting my troubles in his hands, I try to do it myself which ends up with me all stressed out and frustrated, when I could have just prayed and put it in his hands and trusted Him.

How come I only pray intensely when things crumble around me and get out of hand and I give up and say okay "God take it from me".

You know this past year I haven't been taking care of my physical self 24/7. I really haven't been taking care of my spiriual self, either. I know that if I take care of my spiritual self, things with my mental self will start to heal and things with my physical self will also be better. I may not be making much sense here, but I truly believe that taking care of my spiritual self will put everything in order.

When I first moved to San Antonio I wanted to construct a prayer garden in the corner of my backyard. Drew up a plan and it was going to be put in by our gardner. You know a peaceful place where I could pray, light candles, pretty flowers, a place all mine, a peaceful getaway. Never happened with all this going back and forth to Vegas to put out my kids fires. Them first, then me.

Well, I've been home for a month yesterday, the longest I have been in my new home since leaving Hawaii. I have in my bedroom a long shelf by the window and I have made me a shrine of sorts on one end, in the corner. My favorite pictures of my children and grandchildren. Candles. Flowers. My favorite things. My bibles and devotional books. I have created my little Prayer Garden.

I play soothing music and I read and I pray. I can look out the window and enjoy the beauty of God's work, the sky, the forest, the rain as it falls, the sun on days of sunlight and yesterday the beauty of the frost and icicles.

I may move it to another room where I can truly spend time alone, but for now it is okay here cause my Hubby, the way he is does not like to be alone, I can not exclude him from my presence and anyways he is often quiet in the room reading or sleeping and let's me be or goes in the living room to watch TV.

I am working on putting my life in God's hands. I am working on "giving him the wheel". I am working on going beyond just Believing and truly Trusting Him.

I am finding peace within myself. I am healing my mental and spiritual self slowly each day. In turn the taking care of this Body that God gave me to live in, is becoming more easy to do, cause I not doing this all alone.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm Living in God's hands feels real good, I am going to put every effort to make things right between Him and me. I can't keep doing what I have been doing, I need to fix things in my life now.

Aloha Ke Akua.
Love God
God is Love

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


Posted this in Neighborhood 1/15 want to keep it and see if anything changes in 6 months:


I am curious as to what our Neighbors will suggest. My surgerversary is just 4 days before yours. (12/02/05)I have not ever counted calories, carbs or any of that. I bought a food scale and have never used it.

I still eat off of my small Japanese dishes with a baby spoon. If it don't fit on it, I don't eat it. I think they hold about 1/2 a cup or less.

I eat 5-6 small meals a day. One or two may be just fruit. Like strawberries, cantaloupe, pineapple, mandarin oranges, mango or something fresh on sale, sometimes about 2 tablespoons cottage cheese with it.

I used to do protein shakes 24/7 but somewhere along the line, I have replaced them with eggs, chicken, fish or other solid proteins. I do have a shake if I am sick or out of sorts. I call it going back to basics. I don't eat protein bars, tried but don't like them.

I basically eat the same things for the past year. I sometimes will taste something from my hubby's plate when we go out but ususally I'ld end up eating a fish something and some steamed vegies. Some may call it boring but I found that I don't need variety and I don't need to experiment when I did my weight would not budge, I'ld plateau.

What I eat works for me, I am happy with what I eat, so I figure why mess with it. Yes, I don't have all that fresh fish I had in Hawaii but I have been buying frozen mahimahi, snapper, tuna, shrimp, salmon and on occasion to treat my self king crab or lobster. I tried talapia, but it's a mind thing, it's the last fish a Hawaiian will eat only when there ain't no other fish around and is starving.

Yes, I have eaten things I shouldn't have even put in my mouth, candy, chips, fruit cake and have regretted it. I get very sick when I eat ice cream, drink milk or certain cheese. Though I can tolerate cottage cheese.I have a hard time with beef so I stay away from it. I can tolerate pork which I usually slice thin and cook with vegies and tofu.

Now I know you going get all kinds of input cause we all have different ways satisfying our tummys and for some reason "one size don't fit all".What works for me may not work for anyone else. But I thought I'ld share with you what I eat and how I eat.I plan to eat like this for life. It works for me.

At the beginning the pounds just dropped off big time, must have been all that water weight, then it steadily and slowly dropped at a rate which I thought was a good way and healthy way for me. I did at times not drop a pound in a week but then it would start up again the following week, I think with women it has to do with our hormones and stuff. Anyways, if I got frustrated, I went all the way back to the basics and my weight would start dropping again.

These are my numbers.I am 5' 9 1/2 inches tall. (If I am not mistaken you are tall, too.)

One year prior to surgery I was almost 400 pounds. I had to lose weight to have the surgery.Date of surgery 12/02/05 I was 349.7 pounds

Today I am 206 pounds.Aloha forever to 143.7 pounds.

I would like to be around 170-160 pounds.Got about 36 to 46 pounds to go depending how I feel when I reach 170 and decide that there is where I want to be.

Shared my stats to show that the way I eat works for me. It may not work for anyone else.

I just need to EXERCISE.

Now I'm waiting to see what everyone else shares and maybe there will be something I can use to tweak what I do.
I may be huffing and puffing but I did it.
15 minutes on the treadmill and 3 minutes on the bike.

Lee really got me thinking and I just had to put what she shared here in my blog cause I don't want any of this to get lost. Because you know she inadvertently kicked my sorry butt. I have been keeping myself from reaching my highest potential. I have been making choices that have been holding me back in my journey after wls.

I don't know if I explaining myself right here but what I am trying to say is that I know that many of these values are the very things that are either hindering me from reaching my goals or they are helping me to get to my goals depends what list I want to choose from.

It all depends which ones I choose for the day. I can either dwell in the what if's, make excuses, and continue to think I fooling myself or others for the day or I can choose from the list of positive values and be for real.

That's the bottom line.

One thing I know for sure is that if I did not have the LAWLS neighborhood family I would not be as far ahead on this journey as I am.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeello? Anybody home? How many coconuts must hit my head before I see the light???????

So knowing that, I am turning off this computer and rev up the stationary bike and do what I got to do. geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!


What to do.A lot of decisions and choices were made a very long time ago. Most of them at this point are unconscious. We go through our day in a sort of autopilot, similar to driving a car.

● Become curious! Be Alive! Be Awake! Be Alert!
● Learn to identify when you are in “autopilot” and uncover these hidden commitments you made for yourself to keep. Perhaps at the time you made them there was a good reason for them, but now there isn’t.
● Most of the time the first “commitments” we make, as very small children, are the most powerful and becoming aware of them in your present goes a long way in loosening their control over you, to not address they will always override all your current desires and dreams.

● Questions to ask yourself, that may expose some of your hidden commitments:
● List a goal you have been unable to attain.
● List actions, taken or not taken, that are in direct opposition to this goal
● Imagine your choices are an expression of a deeper commitment
● Close your eyes
● Ask yourself, with what commitment are my choices aligned?
● When you are making a choice now, ask yourself the following questions:
● Will this choice bring me long term fulfillment or short term gratification?
● Will this choice move me toward an inspiring life?
● Am I centered or trying to please other people?
● Am I looking for what’s wrong or what’s right?
● Will this add to my life?

When you read the following, what are you reading?


Choices aligned with your “Essence” create:

● Having empathy for others
● Taking time for yourself
● Spending time with those you love
● Noticing what you have done well
● Resting
● Having fun
● Playing
● Exercising
● Eating wel
l● Spending your money wisely
● Planning for the future
● Being with people who inspire you
● Taking time to nurture yourself
● Doing what’s in the best interest of you and your community
● Appreciating yourself
● Being honest with yourself and others
● Honoring your word
● Paying your bills on time
● Being compassionate
● Being intimate with those you love
● Making love
● Allowing others to contribute to you
● Creating a powerful support system
● Speaking the Truth
● Saying No
● Doing charity work
● Telling others how much they mean to you
● Doing what you love
● Going after your dreams
● Making choices consistent with where you want to go
● Dancing
● forgiving
● Taking responsibility
● Looking for what’s good
● Looking for what’s right
● Doing a job well
● Being present for your children
● Listening to others from your heart
● Receiving other’s love
● Empowering those around you.

Coaching for Victory is the lecture portion of the aftercare program my surgical group sponsors. It’s conducted by Dr. Evelyn Frye. It takes place the third Monday of every month. She has a very large general practice in Nashville. There are several psychologists and psychiatrists in her practice. Her main experience is in treating addiction, so she does the work for the obesity center hands on, this also includes the two small group sessions she holds during lunch on Thursday and Friday each week.I attended my first lecture this last Mon. I thought I’d try to pass along my notes, in case anybody might be interested. It was two and a half hours, so she covered a lot of territory, bear with me, I’ll see if I can get any of it to make sense. Here’s my first installment.Now that you have had wls and you’re on program towards losing or maintaining your weight losses, it’s time to wake up to who you are and learn to make all your choices with respect and in total agreement with the “essence” of who you are.We have all been learning and making choices from the time we were in the womb. By the time we’re 18 mos. old we have decided to trust or not to trust.

All the decisions, about likes and dislikes, good and bad, can become inconsistent with the “essence” of who we are.

If we continue to dishonor ourselves in order to please others, the following happens:
Being around people who criticize you and can’t see your magnificence.

● “Should’s”
● “Have to’s”
● Perceived obligations
● Trying to be nice
● Withholding communication
● Lying to yourself
● Gossiping
● Being late
● Not caring about other’s feelings
● Comparing yourself to others
● Judging yourself
● Judging others
● Not taking time to enjoy what you have
● Looking to others to make you happy
● Living in fear
● Withholding success from yourself
● Thinking that others are better than you
● Giving away your power
● Ignoring your deepest desires
● Overspending
● Overeating
● Wasting your time
● Deflecting compliments
● Trying to be someone you are not
● Not setting strong boundaries
● Not having enough alone time
● Withholding love from your family
● Withholding acknowledgment from yourself
● Over exhausting yourself
● Ignoring your inner voice

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

It's Icy Cold

It's been really cold all day, so cold that there are icycles hanging from the rafters and plants outside. I think it is so cool. Ran and got my camera and took pictures. Who would think it would be this icy cold in San Antonio. They say it may snow later this evening, I'm staying up just so I can check if it happens.

This is the longest I have been in my new home since moving here in June. Driving back and forth to Vegas just about every two weeks really threw our finances to the wind. Dealing with my kids issues has been the pits and I really needed to get a grip and stop running to bail them out. Having pneumonia too also made me get a a grip, and of course has made it important for me to stay put here and take care of myself.

I love my new home. Was so upset when my son did not move here with my 5 grandkids as planned. But there is a reason for everything that happens in our life and now thinking about it, it is better this way, me here and them way over there. Goodness they would be dropping everything on my shoulders and I would defintely not have any kind of life. Mama will save the day, right? Right. I am starting to count my blessings.

I want to do some traveling, some exploring. Maybe drive to Dallas or Houston when the weather gets better. Just want to do something new, something different. There are so many things I still got to go see, experience and do. So many doors to open. Life is so wonderful. Yes, even with it's ups and downs.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Out of the 4 Tools I need to be successful with my WLS I am having problems with Exercising. I hate Exercising. I just can't get myself to do anything but WALK, and I walk when I feel like it and if it means shopping to do it, I shop, I can shop everyday, if I shop every day I walk right? Right.
But yesterday I spent the whole day resisting the urge to go shop till I drop. Thus no exercise, except my walking around the house cause I'm restless and feel caged in. With the past two weeks I have bought a treadmill and a stationary bike. They sit gathering dust. They look good. I even went to Walmart and picked up some jogging pants, told myself I need them to go to the gym. They sitting in the closet with the tags still on them.
So I have a treadmill, a stationary bike and a gym membership. Now to use them.
I have convinced myself that anything beyond walking is unnecessary. After all I have been losing weight steadily, I feel healthy, I look good. I don't have hanging skin except on my tummy area. A little under my arms. My butt looks like a sharpei. I have been blessed with thin legs no matter if I got to 400 pounds, I always looked like an ostrich. I can stuff my loose skin in size 20 jeans and hide it, I mean size 20 jeans is a miracle in itself and they are loose so I can probably fit in 18's. I had a bra fitting done and the bra I have puts them babies where they supposed to be. I have no skin issues on my legs, ankles or thighs. Just my tummy.
Now it is probably a fact that if I did start doing other things besides walking since surgery I would have reached my goal weight already. I may have less of the hanging skin on my belly. But you know, they cuting that off anyway. I hate exercising.
So if I don't exercise what going happen? I going gain all my weight back? I going be fat again? What? I have any easier time eating what I supposed to, then I have going to exercise. I'm 56 years old, I have hated exercising for let's say 50 years of my life. When kids went out for recess, I read a book or just watched. I hated PE, it was the worst part of school for me. I came up with every excuse in the book so I wouldn't have to participate. I had my period all the time. I played my asthma out to the max. If I had to participate I was obnoxious on purpose, messed things up on purpose, I was literally defiant.
Now at 56 years of age I am going to exercise beyond walking? Yeah, right. So it's 15 days into the New Year and 3 days after my birthday and I have to deal with this issue.

Saturday, January 13, 2007


Sitting here trying my darnest not to go stuff my face. It's not like I am hungry cause I but half hour ago had some tofu and chicken, so my tummy is full. Have been sipping ice water w/wedges of lime in it. I know I am bored stiff. Don't want to do crafts, don't want to do anything but go shopping. But I told myself I was not going shopping. I don't need to go shopping. I want to go shopping just for the hell of it.

Hah, I have replaced stuffing my face with shopping. Well shopping replaced my daily wine and/or bottle of beer. So afraid of killing myself, mixing alcohol witth antibiotics, I turned more to shopping. Pneumonia and all I went shopping. Geeee. Told myself I got to get a grip. Thus the ice water in my wine glass and my struggling not to leave the house and go shopping.

Goodness if I can just make it through this day.