NO MORE BULL
May as well be true to myself. I am not going to make it in this journey of life after WLS unless I am true to myself. I can either chooose to struggle or I can get with the plan and do what I got to do.
I told myself at the beginning that I was going to follow the rules and use this first 18 months to get the max results. So why am I wasting precious time? The only loser in all this will be me. Why do I keep testing myself, throwing needless hurdles in front of myself. It doesn't have to be this hard. I know I am making it hard for myself.
You know I trusted God to bring me through the surgery. Yeah, I did. Presurgery I put all my faith in God and I asked him to help me lose the weight and be healthy enough to be able to have the surgery. I went every day to the county pool, rain or shine, no matter how cold it was, and walked and I prayed and sang Gods praises as I walked. I put myself in his Hands and trusted him to help me. And I lost that weight I needed to lose and I was not afraid to face surgery cause I knew in my heart that God would take care of me.
My blood pressure was so high that morning of surgery, that they did want to do the surgery. I said "go ahead do it, I will be okay". In other words I put myself in God's hands and I trusted him. I believed in God, I trusted him to bring me through the surgery, I was not afraid and I knew I would be okay, and he did. Yes, I did wake up in intensive care and yes, they were struggling to bring my blood pressure down, but I knew I would be okay and I knew God was allowing me to live. He gave me another chance.
I've been doing alot of thinking about this. Now why would he bring me through this surgery unless he has a purpose for me being here? Really? How many times do I have to face death before I go beyond believing in him and truly put myself in his hands and trust him. Twice in my life I have had to be literally revived. Once I even watched ER people working on me as I watched from outside of myself, and I was going towards the bright lights of the Other Side and instead was sent back to LIVE. (Yes, I felt the warmth and I was not afraid to walk toward the Lights, I felt so welcome. I did not feel Alone. Having gone through that experience I am not afraid to die.)
I know deep inside me of, this is my Last Chance to Live, this is it, I will have no more chances.
I need to Trust God enough to stop trying to manipulate my life and do it my way, instead of "giving him the wheel and letting him drive". I love that song that Carrie Underwood wrote and sings.
Jesus Take The Wheel ~ Carrie Underwood
She was driving last Friday on her way to CincinnatiOn a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It would been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands'
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the wayI've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh
That's my problem, many many times, I believe in Him but I don't trust Him with Me. I keep circumventing his plan, I keep rewriting it my way, instead of going beyond just believing and trusting Him. Instead of putting my troubles in his hands, I try to do it myself which ends up with me all stressed out and frustrated, when I could have just prayed and put it in his hands and trusted Him.
How come I only pray intensely when things crumble around me and get out of hand and I give up and say okay "God take it from me".
You know this past year I haven't been taking care of my physical self 24/7. I really haven't been taking care of my spiriual self, either. I know that if I take care of my spiritual self, things with my mental self will start to heal and things with my physical self will also be better. I may not be making much sense here, but I truly believe that taking care of my spiritual self will put everything in order.
When I first moved to San Antonio I wanted to construct a prayer garden in the corner of my backyard. Drew up a plan and it was going to be put in by our gardner. You know a peaceful place where I could pray, light candles, pretty flowers, a place all mine, a peaceful getaway. Never happened with all this going back and forth to Vegas to put out my kids fires. Them first, then me.
Well, I've been home for a month yesterday, the longest I have been in my new home since leaving Hawaii. I have in my bedroom a long shelf by the window and I have made me a shrine of sorts on one end, in the corner. My favorite pictures of my children and grandchildren. Candles. Flowers. My favorite things. My bibles and devotional books. I have created my little Prayer Garden.
I play soothing music and I read and I pray. I can look out the window and enjoy the beauty of God's work, the sky, the forest, the rain as it falls, the sun on days of sunlight and yesterday the beauty of the frost and icicles.
I may move it to another room where I can truly spend time alone, but for now it is okay here cause my Hubby, the way he is does not like to be alone, I can not exclude him from my presence and anyways he is often quiet in the room reading or sleeping and let's me be or goes in the living room to watch TV.
I am working on putting my life in God's hands. I am working on "giving him the wheel". I am working on going beyond just Believing and truly Trusting Him.
I am finding peace within myself. I am healing my mental and spiritual self slowly each day. In turn the taking care of this Body that God gave me to live in, is becoming more easy to do, cause I not doing this all alone.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm Living in God's hands feels real good, I am going to put every effort to make things right between Him and me. I can't keep doing what I have been doing, I need to fix things in my life now.
Aloha Ke Akua.
Love God
God is Love
May as well be true to myself. I am not going to make it in this journey of life after WLS unless I am true to myself. I can either chooose to struggle or I can get with the plan and do what I got to do.
I told myself at the beginning that I was going to follow the rules and use this first 18 months to get the max results. So why am I wasting precious time? The only loser in all this will be me. Why do I keep testing myself, throwing needless hurdles in front of myself. It doesn't have to be this hard. I know I am making it hard for myself.
You know I trusted God to bring me through the surgery. Yeah, I did. Presurgery I put all my faith in God and I asked him to help me lose the weight and be healthy enough to be able to have the surgery. I went every day to the county pool, rain or shine, no matter how cold it was, and walked and I prayed and sang Gods praises as I walked. I put myself in his Hands and trusted him to help me. And I lost that weight I needed to lose and I was not afraid to face surgery cause I knew in my heart that God would take care of me.
My blood pressure was so high that morning of surgery, that they did want to do the surgery. I said "go ahead do it, I will be okay". In other words I put myself in God's hands and I trusted him. I believed in God, I trusted him to bring me through the surgery, I was not afraid and I knew I would be okay, and he did. Yes, I did wake up in intensive care and yes, they were struggling to bring my blood pressure down, but I knew I would be okay and I knew God was allowing me to live. He gave me another chance.
I've been doing alot of thinking about this. Now why would he bring me through this surgery unless he has a purpose for me being here? Really? How many times do I have to face death before I go beyond believing in him and truly put myself in his hands and trust him. Twice in my life I have had to be literally revived. Once I even watched ER people working on me as I watched from outside of myself, and I was going towards the bright lights of the Other Side and instead was sent back to LIVE. (Yes, I felt the warmth and I was not afraid to walk toward the Lights, I felt so welcome. I did not feel Alone. Having gone through that experience I am not afraid to die.)
I know deep inside me of, this is my Last Chance to Live, this is it, I will have no more chances.
I need to Trust God enough to stop trying to manipulate my life and do it my way, instead of "giving him the wheel and letting him drive". I love that song that Carrie Underwood wrote and sings.
Jesus Take The Wheel ~ Carrie Underwood
She was driving last Friday on her way to CincinnatiOn a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It would been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands'
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the wayI've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh
That's my problem, many many times, I believe in Him but I don't trust Him with Me. I keep circumventing his plan, I keep rewriting it my way, instead of going beyond just believing and trusting Him. Instead of putting my troubles in his hands, I try to do it myself which ends up with me all stressed out and frustrated, when I could have just prayed and put it in his hands and trusted Him.
How come I only pray intensely when things crumble around me and get out of hand and I give up and say okay "God take it from me".
You know this past year I haven't been taking care of my physical self 24/7. I really haven't been taking care of my spiriual self, either. I know that if I take care of my spiritual self, things with my mental self will start to heal and things with my physical self will also be better. I may not be making much sense here, but I truly believe that taking care of my spiritual self will put everything in order.
When I first moved to San Antonio I wanted to construct a prayer garden in the corner of my backyard. Drew up a plan and it was going to be put in by our gardner. You know a peaceful place where I could pray, light candles, pretty flowers, a place all mine, a peaceful getaway. Never happened with all this going back and forth to Vegas to put out my kids fires. Them first, then me.
Well, I've been home for a month yesterday, the longest I have been in my new home since leaving Hawaii. I have in my bedroom a long shelf by the window and I have made me a shrine of sorts on one end, in the corner. My favorite pictures of my children and grandchildren. Candles. Flowers. My favorite things. My bibles and devotional books. I have created my little Prayer Garden.
I play soothing music and I read and I pray. I can look out the window and enjoy the beauty of God's work, the sky, the forest, the rain as it falls, the sun on days of sunlight and yesterday the beauty of the frost and icicles.
I may move it to another room where I can truly spend time alone, but for now it is okay here cause my Hubby, the way he is does not like to be alone, I can not exclude him from my presence and anyways he is often quiet in the room reading or sleeping and let's me be or goes in the living room to watch TV.
I am working on putting my life in God's hands. I am working on "giving him the wheel". I am working on going beyond just Believing and truly Trusting Him.
I am finding peace within myself. I am healing my mental and spiritual self slowly each day. In turn the taking care of this Body that God gave me to live in, is becoming more easy to do, cause I not doing this all alone.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm Living in God's hands feels real good, I am going to put every effort to make things right between Him and me. I can't keep doing what I have been doing, I need to fix things in my life now.
Aloha Ke Akua.
Love God
God is Love
posted by Melissa @ 4:56 AM
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