IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

I am 56 year old today. I sit here I quess in amazement and a little in shock, who would think! Where did all the years go? Life has been speeding by. But you know what I don't feel old at all, in fact, I am okay that I've been around this long. In fact, I am dropping on my knees and thanking God for letting me be here on this Earth for as long as he has, considering how many close calls I've had in these past ten years of my life.

I bought myself a bouquet of flowers yesterday. I have been buying me flowers for 3 weeks now. In fact I bought two bouquets, one of beautiful spring flowers and a bouquet of yellow roses. The roses smell so heavenly. I have decided that I deserve flowers every day of my life, why not? Why wait till they grace my grave. Why wait till someone buys them for me? Hubby loves them. He can't go buy them for me. I asked him if it was ok and he said of course go get them, if they make you happy. Oh yes, they do make me happy. When I feel out of sorts, a little stressed, depressed, I look at the flowers and smile and think happy thoughts. I never had to buy flowers in Hawaii, they were there in my yard for the picking whenever I wanted. They were everywhere. I miss Hawaii, yes, but that's ok, I am here for a purpose, I know. Hawaii is in my heart and will always be.

I love life. I love living. I look forward to the years of my life ahead so eagerly. There is so much I want to do. And now I can do them, this surgery has opened up so many doors for me. I love walking, just anywhere, to be able to walk so freely, is such an overwhelming undescribable feeling. I feel so free. I just want to walk out the front door and face the world outside every day. And I have been doing just that. I am not taking life for granted, I know how precious it is, and I thank God for this chance to live it to the fullest. Oh he has given me so many chances to get my act together, but this time I know deep in my gut that this is my last chance. And I am not going to blow it. Thus everyday I wake up with this feeling that I must make today count, I can't waste this day of my life. Maybe that is why I have been looking at things in a different perspective than before, I seem to find the beauty and wonder of things much more, I don't dwell too long in upsetting situations and have learned to put things in God's hands. I have found myself in a different level in my life. I have found a sort of peaceful existence. Oh yes, everything is not perfect but things don't get to me as much as before, somehow I know that things will work out in the long run, so why dwell on it, why let it take what ever bit of happiness I have in life away. Life is too short. I cry, yes I do cry, but I dry those tears and pick myself up and move on.

I think I'm just old and wiser. Smile. Been there and done that. I have come to realise that I can choose what I want to do, when I want to do it, and if I don't want to do anything, that is okay too. I don't have to deal with people I don't want to deal with. It is okay to say no. It is okay to be selfish and think of myself first at times. If you don't like me, that's okay, there's someone out there who likes me, so I don't have to waste any of my energy trying to get you to like me, it just was not meant to be. I have discovered who are true friends. One true friend means more than a bunch of "so called friends". I've discovered that my being silent and listening, really listening to others, is very rewarding, and often I am doubly blessed as things go full circle and in the giving of myself, I get much more in return.

I've learned to love myself. That is a miracle in itself. Didn't love my skinny self when I was skinny. Didn't love my fat self when I was fat. What was I thinking? At least I was living, I had a body, skinny or fat to live in. Goodness, what was I thinking? Sooooooo, this is me. I love me, I love this body. Now coming to that conclusion, there is only one thing left to do and that is to take care of this body that I have. After all, like I always said so flippingly "if no more this body, where I going live". Like ahhhhhhhhhhhh duh, what were you thinking? Light bulb finally on!!!!!

Okay, a birthday cake with 56 candles and one more for good luck would defintely catch fire. Eating the cake would make me get the foamies and have me lying in bed moaning for couple of hours. To tell you the truth, I don't even want a piece of cake. I'm content to just sit here and think of the birthday cakes I had as a child or the lopsided cakes my children baked for me as surprises. My most memorable birthday was the day my grandson Kanoa was born on my 46th birthday, now what is the odds of that happening? He is truly a gift from God. My dad who is 76 has recently in the past ten years always called on my birthdays and laughingly say,"you catching up to me". I am, I am, daddy.

Who would think I'ld be 56 years old? Not me. And guess what I am perfectly okay being 56 years old and I am looking forward to the years of life ahead of me.

Date of surgery: 12/02/05 349 pounds

My Birthday : 01/12/07 206 pounds

Aloha Forever 143 pounds