TEN MONTHS POST OP

I have been really bad with blogging and honestly it's because I am not really applying myself to the journey afer WLS. I seem to be in a testing myself stage, seeing how far I can go till I fail. Stupid really but it seems to be what I am doing to myself. Usually on whatever diet I was on this would be about the time I would be failing and gaining back every pound I lost. I just don't know why I am doing this to myself except that I am being truly self destructive. I don't want to fail but I seem to be headed that way. Playing mind games with myself. Waiting to fail, waiting for something to go wrong. I need to count my blessings there really hasn't been any post op problems.

I've been on the phone this afternoon looking for a psychologist. I truly need to go back to counseling. Things are just so overwhelming. Maybe that's why I am feeling the way I am.

Here I am in San Antonio when truly I wish I was in Hawaii. San Antonio is fine but I miss my dad, my sisters and brothers. I miss my house in Hawaii. Things would be great if my son and his children did come here as we planned but no he bought a home in Vegas and I miss them so.

This past week my son from Virginia was here and it was nice having him but he left yesterday and I am missing him. I need to get my self busy or I'm going to go crazy here.

We was supposed to go back to Hawaii mid next month but that has changed. I want to drive to Vegas and be with my kids and grandkids but have to wait till we are done with all our doctor appointments. I just don't feel like unpacking anything, I haven't put pictures on the walls, I seem to be ready to leave on the spur of the moment if I want to. I know there is a reason why things changed and my husband and I are alone here, but I just can't cope with things now.

I just have to think positive. Tomorrow be a better day. I'll call around and find me a psych to talk to, to help me sort things out. Need to g back to the gym 24/7. Went today and felt fine after and even went walking later in the day. I just am depressed missing my children and grandchildren.

DATE OF SURGERY 12/02/05: 349.7 pounds

TODAY 09/18/06 : 226 pounds

GOODBYE FOREVER : 123.7 pounds

I will get my act together and do what I got to do. I did not go through WLS surgery for nothing. I like being thinner, I like being healthy, I like being able to do so many things I could not do prior to WLS surgery.