16 Weeks Post OP

It has been a roller coaster ride since the day of my WLS. Right now I'm on the top highest loop of the roller coaster just bursting with inner joy and happiness. I have been in the dumps, wanting to get off the ride and just hide in the closet because I was having a hard time accepting that this is the new me and that I finally have control over my health and weight. The LAWL Neighborhood sharing and all of you who have interacted with me on my blog, has helped to remove the self imposed obstacles that were holding me back from facing and accepting the new me. I needed to interact big time with positive people who have been through this surgery. I needed to hear over and over that my feelings were okay and that there are others who share the same feelings and doubts that I have.

This journey after WLS can be difficult and trying at times. I know that I can not walk it alone. I need continued support and nurturing, and encouragement and I need a swift kick when I fall off the ride and need more than anything else to climb back on. No one can understand what I am going through better than someone who has been through WLS. I needed so much to hear that "my skin is glowing", acknowledgement that I lost weight and that I am looking healthier. I needed someone to say this is not a dream, that this is for real, and that this time around I will succeed. I have come to the realization that I can win the battle I have been fighting with the grim reaper and that more sand has been poured into my hourglass.

I had to stop packing and running all over the place, and take a moment to reflect on the positive changes in my life. I had to put me first, and not feel guilty for doing so. Discovering the new me has been eye opener. I am like the caterpillar turning into a beautiful butterfly. I am like the snake shedding her old skin and coming into the new. I am like a newly hatched chick learning to spread it's wings or the newborn pony trying to walk on wobbly legs. I am in a new chapter in the book of my life. I have chosen to take control of how this chapter will be written with God guiding me and with all of you earthly angels holding my hand and cheering me along the way. To come to this realization, is hard to put into words, all I can say is that I have found inner peace. I have sat at death's door for too many years. It is time for my spirit to soar, as I have been given another chance to live.

No longer will I sit under the stormy clouds conjured up in my mind. Instead I choose to reach for the sparkling beautifully hued rainbows and dare to hope and dream of better tomorrows.

Hawaiian Parable: Each child born has at birth, a Bowl of Perfect Light. If he tends his light it will grow in strength and he can do all things, swim with the shark, fly with the birds, knows and understands all things. If, however, he becomes envious or jealous, he drops a stone into his Bowl of Light and some of the Light goes out. If he continues to put stones in the Bowl of Light, the Light will go out and he will become a stone. A stone does not grow, nor does it move. If at anytime he tires of being a stone, all he has to do is turn the bowl upside down and the stones will fall away and the Light will grow once more.

I have turned over my bowl, my Light is growing once more.

Sharing Info on WLS
Went to the funeral of my girlfriend Keola. 45 years old. Teacher, writer, active in protecting and restoring our lands, culture and traditional life style. The pics I posted of the black sand beach of Punalu'u is where she was born and lived. Her house is literally on the beach, turtles lay their eggs in the sand at her doorstep. She died of a massive heart attack, she had complications of diabetes. She was about 400 pounds. I last saw and spoke to her about 6 months ago.
Could she have been saved if she had had WLS? I don'tknow.
At the funeral sat her brother Raymond, 50 years old. Weighing 411 pounds. He got a pass from the hospital to come to his sister's funeral. He looked horrible, all bloated, could barely walk clinging to a cane and breathing ever so hard. He took one look at me and asked me to sit with him and then proceeded to ask me what I did to lose weight. Why was my skin glowing and why did I look so healthy. I told him that I had WLS. He told me that his doctor suggested he did also but he was very afraid. I pulled out a piece of paper from my purse and drew a stomach and then what the surgeon did to my stomach. I then held his hand and talked and talked about my journey since surgery. He and his wife asked many questions. When we were done talking, Raymond said that on Monday he will talk to his doctor and contact my surgeon.
It may have not been destiny for me to have spoken to Keola, but I was there for Raymond.

I was also approached by my girlfriend Mililani who is a lawyer, a Hawaiian activist, works with the United Nations and various native Hawaiian entities. I am also a Hawaiian activist fighting for native rights. Anyway diabetes and obesity is the number one killer of native Hawaiians. I have been asked to speak at a Hawaiian Health Conference about my surgery and how it has changed my life for the better.

So from a sad funeral I am about to rejoin the human race and become active again in native Hawaiian issues especially health issues. I had to stop a few years ago because of my poor health. Now how am I going to do this from Texas? No problem, I am now closer to Washington DC and I also can do things with the Native American Indians.

Depressed? Not any more. I think I have found my purpose in the journey of my life after weight loss surgery.

Weight on date of surgery 12/02/05 : 349.7 pounds
Weight 03/24/06 : 285 pounds
Loss : 64.7 pounds

15 Weeks Can't believe I've come this far, still new though, still experimenting and finding my way through this journey. I am far from being an expert in this WLS life. Each day is filled with wonder as I feel so much healthier and I have so much energy to do things I haven't done for so long. It is nice to just be able to wash dishes without my back hurting or my knees killing me as I stand at the sink. There is so many little things I can do now that was so hard for me to do just 4 months ago. It's like having been in a coma for a period of time and awakening and discovering new wonderous things. Being big I gave up so much of myself and took things in stride and excepted that this is the way it is and has to be. Now I am rediscovering myself and not limiting myself because I am to big or too heavy and it is exciting as I move forward in this new phase of my life. No time to be depressed, no time to look for pity or poor Melissa, I hear you all loud and clear. I need to get a grip and move on forward. So get back on track, right , and reach for the stars and beyond.

Weigh in 14 weeks

Have been afraid to weigh myself as I have been grazing. Committed myself to stop so I can get me some new clothes. Weighed myself at Hawaiian Airlines cargo and was pleasantly surprised. Just imagine how much better it would be if I stopped grazing!

Surgery date 12/04/05 : 349.7 pounds
Today 03/13/06 : 286 pounds

Total weight loss : 63.7 pounds

Okay now I need to really commit myself to staying on track. I just love the new look of LWLS site. The Neighborhood forum is exciting, can't wait till we really get into exchanging thoughts. I can't do this journey alone and I need help to overcome what ever obstacles I come across. One thing for sure I do not regret having had WL surgery.

Thoughts

I am now 14 weeks post op. Yesterday a coworker who I have not seen for about a year stopped me in the supermarket saying, "Meliss, is that you? My goodness you really look different, I almost didn't recognize you!" She hasn't been the only one who has looked at me, up and down, with mouth wide open in shock. I can relate after all I look in the mirror and wonder, "Is that me?", the other thing I recently found myself doing is staring at my hands on the steering wheel while driving and asking myself, "are these skinny hands mine?". I am trying to get a grip with not being obesely fat any more, I still fat and got a way to go, but it's not the same. I have at least 100 pounds more to lose and I feeling so unreal already. Getting used to the changes to my body is really mindbogging. You know it's that old dieting way of thinking "this not going last long and I going gain it all back". It feels so unreal knowing that I not going be obese any more. Got to peek in the mirror and touch my face often to make sure that this is me. That I not going wake up from a dream and that this new me, is really me. Got to get used to the new me, cause this is for real.

Can't Believe It's March

Time sure passes by quickly. Thirteen weeks post op and thinking, life sure is better now. I have all this energy to do things I just could not do. Not being tired all the time is really a plus. Been focusing on the positives, it sure helps.
1) I can park in any stall and get out of the car without worrying if I going fit getting out and not scratching
the car parked next to me
2) I can sit in a plastic chair and almost not worry about it crumbling under me
3) It seems like I have a new wardrobe but I am really wearing clothes that hasn't fit me for a long time
4) I can walk around the neigborhood and not worry about being too tired to walk back home, used to call husband to come pick me up about two blocks away
5) I am eating healthier foods, grocery bill not as bad as before
6) My blood sugar A1C is 7.4, used to be in the 11-13 range just thirteen weeks ago
7) Blood pressure normal range, I was taking 3 pills which did nothing to improve it
8) Cholestral normal range, was taking pill for this also and it did nothing to improve it
9) Sleeping good at night
10) Primary care doctor said I am as healthy as can be and that if I did not have WLS, he had predicted that I had about 5 more years to live if I didn't have a stroke before then.

Soooooooooooooooo, smile right? Right. One day at a time. Thank God for LWLS and all of you WLS cheerleaders out there.