18 Weeks Post Op
The week has gone by so quickly. Tommorrow makes 18 weeks post op. Had a great week. If I feel hungry I have some cottage cheese and fruit, other than that it has been fish and steamed vegies. Drinking lots of water and getting in my protein drinks twice a day. Went walking twice this week around the neighborhood and in the mornings the rest of the days around Walmart due to the rain.
Had an "oh yea! " moment this week, as I took out my Nike jogging shoes (that I have had about 3 years and looks like I just bought them today). I have been walking in my slippers cause I was sure my shoes would not fit. Put the shoes on myself, socks and all. I had to call my husband and ask him to watch me put the second shoe on. I tied the shoelaces myself! Unbelievable ! I don't know when I last put on my own shoes. My husband always had to put on my socks and shoes. I couldn't reach my feet. I just could not believe it. What an awesome feeling. And now since I can put them on, I want to use them, thus I am doing more walking.
I can not explain the feelings of wonder I have just because I can put on my own shoes.
I met with my psychologist yesterday. I shared with her my feelings of happiness for having had WLS. I once talked to her about dying and how I felt being so obese and so very sick. How I was tired of living. Now I talk to her about life and all the things I am doing now that I could not do just 19 weeks ago and all the things I want to do. I talked about my feelings of inner peace and accepting that my life has changed and that I was willing to do what ever it takes to be this new healthier me.
I think my many years of being a social worker is also the reason I am doing great. I never thought that I would care for myself first before others. It has always been others before me. I was always everyone else's lifeboat. Thinking of me first was just not acceptable. I was killing myself, taking on everyone else's burdens, trying to save everyone. The stress was unbearable and it in turn played a big role in my poor health. I refused to listen to my doctors and one psychologist even told me that she would no longer see me as she could not stand by and watch me killing myself, they all said that my job was killing me, leave it. I refused to listen.
God works in mysterious ways. My husband was taking care of me as I stubbornly kept going to work. Then my husband got seriously injured and our roles completely reversed. Who was going to take care of me? The kids are on the mainland, I am alone. I had no choice but to force myself to take care of my husband and forget that I myself was of poor health. A whole year I was in complete denial about my health, I did not have time to dwell on me, until December 2004 and the paramedics could not find a pulse and I had to be rushed in an ambulance to the hospital. I asked God to please give me one more chance while I lay in that ambulance as they worked on me. I put myself in his hands.
I haven't been to work since that day. I missed all my clients. I worried about each an every one. My psychologist had to help me deal with these feelings. I felt like I had abandoned all of them and that I was a failure. In December 2004, I also put my name on the waiting list for WLS and I started to research the surgery. My goal was to have the surgery and return to work. But as the days went by and through therapy, I started to let go my wanting to go back to work, it was like my job had died and I finally was able to move on with my life. I began to accept that it was okay to think of myself first. What a "freeing" feeling! I can now look back, and say I made the right decision to leave my job. My job was killing me, it controlled me. I chose life and I don't regret it at all.
I had a year to prepare for WLS. My surgeon has his patients get counseling, provides info of the surgery and what life is like after, take numerous tests, even a psychiatrict test. I went on the internet, read everything I could find. Watched the surgery on the net numerous times so that I would know exactly what the surgeon was going to do to me. I had this surgery so that I could have my life back.
Only in the past few weeks have I found inner peace. It's like the door closed on my past obese sickly life and I have walked through another door and I found myself reborn. It is diificult to put in words how I feel except to say that my heart is bursting with joy. I think my girlfriend Keola's funeral was the catalyst that closed the door on my old life and pushed me through another. As I sat at the funeral and looked at her urn, I told myself that it could be me instead of her. This could be my funeral. I quietly thought of all my struggles as an obese person. I sat there and cried for Keola and I cried for me. I knew then that I had to say goodbye not only to Keola but also to the old obese me, life has to go on and in order for it to do so, then I have to do whatever it takes to have life.
God truly works in mysterious ways.
Date of surgery 12/02/05: 349.7 pounds
Today 04/13/06 : 276 pounds
Goodbye forever : 73.7 pounds
The week has gone by so quickly. Tommorrow makes 18 weeks post op. Had a great week. If I feel hungry I have some cottage cheese and fruit, other than that it has been fish and steamed vegies. Drinking lots of water and getting in my protein drinks twice a day. Went walking twice this week around the neighborhood and in the mornings the rest of the days around Walmart due to the rain.
Had an "oh yea! " moment this week, as I took out my Nike jogging shoes (that I have had about 3 years and looks like I just bought them today). I have been walking in my slippers cause I was sure my shoes would not fit. Put the shoes on myself, socks and all. I had to call my husband and ask him to watch me put the second shoe on. I tied the shoelaces myself! Unbelievable ! I don't know when I last put on my own shoes. My husband always had to put on my socks and shoes. I couldn't reach my feet. I just could not believe it. What an awesome feeling. And now since I can put them on, I want to use them, thus I am doing more walking.
I can not explain the feelings of wonder I have just because I can put on my own shoes.
I met with my psychologist yesterday. I shared with her my feelings of happiness for having had WLS. I once talked to her about dying and how I felt being so obese and so very sick. How I was tired of living. Now I talk to her about life and all the things I am doing now that I could not do just 19 weeks ago and all the things I want to do. I talked about my feelings of inner peace and accepting that my life has changed and that I was willing to do what ever it takes to be this new healthier me.
I think my many years of being a social worker is also the reason I am doing great. I never thought that I would care for myself first before others. It has always been others before me. I was always everyone else's lifeboat. Thinking of me first was just not acceptable. I was killing myself, taking on everyone else's burdens, trying to save everyone. The stress was unbearable and it in turn played a big role in my poor health. I refused to listen to my doctors and one psychologist even told me that she would no longer see me as she could not stand by and watch me killing myself, they all said that my job was killing me, leave it. I refused to listen.
God works in mysterious ways. My husband was taking care of me as I stubbornly kept going to work. Then my husband got seriously injured and our roles completely reversed. Who was going to take care of me? The kids are on the mainland, I am alone. I had no choice but to force myself to take care of my husband and forget that I myself was of poor health. A whole year I was in complete denial about my health, I did not have time to dwell on me, until December 2004 and the paramedics could not find a pulse and I had to be rushed in an ambulance to the hospital. I asked God to please give me one more chance while I lay in that ambulance as they worked on me. I put myself in his hands.
I haven't been to work since that day. I missed all my clients. I worried about each an every one. My psychologist had to help me deal with these feelings. I felt like I had abandoned all of them and that I was a failure. In December 2004, I also put my name on the waiting list for WLS and I started to research the surgery. My goal was to have the surgery and return to work. But as the days went by and through therapy, I started to let go my wanting to go back to work, it was like my job had died and I finally was able to move on with my life. I began to accept that it was okay to think of myself first. What a "freeing" feeling! I can now look back, and say I made the right decision to leave my job. My job was killing me, it controlled me. I chose life and I don't regret it at all.
I had a year to prepare for WLS. My surgeon has his patients get counseling, provides info of the surgery and what life is like after, take numerous tests, even a psychiatrict test. I went on the internet, read everything I could find. Watched the surgery on the net numerous times so that I would know exactly what the surgeon was going to do to me. I had this surgery so that I could have my life back.
Only in the past few weeks have I found inner peace. It's like the door closed on my past obese sickly life and I have walked through another door and I found myself reborn. It is diificult to put in words how I feel except to say that my heart is bursting with joy. I think my girlfriend Keola's funeral was the catalyst that closed the door on my old life and pushed me through another. As I sat at the funeral and looked at her urn, I told myself that it could be me instead of her. This could be my funeral. I quietly thought of all my struggles as an obese person. I sat there and cried for Keola and I cried for me. I knew then that I had to say goodbye not only to Keola but also to the old obese me, life has to go on and in order for it to do so, then I have to do whatever it takes to have life.
God truly works in mysterious ways.
Date of surgery 12/02/05: 349.7 pounds
Today 04/13/06 : 276 pounds
Goodbye forever : 73.7 pounds
posted by Melissa @ 8:27 PM
2 Comments:
At 11:13 PM,
The Catapillar said…
What an insightful story, thanks for sharing it. I am glad you decided to move forward with your life and that WLS has opened up lots of doors. Keep up the great work!
At 1:59 PM,
Anonymous said…
Your story is a testament to obese people everywhere. I'm so glad you chose to live. I am getting where I can't put my shoes on. When I weighed over 500, I couldn't even put on slippers, then lost down to below 300 and felt like I was queen of the world, but slowly I've been regaining and now, it kills me to try and put my shoes on. Thank god, my son and my husband can help me. You keep going.
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