4 days to WLS

Can not believe that I am down to 4 days before WLS.

Thanksgiving Day went well, had baked fish and shrimp besides turkey and the fixing, so ate mostly fish and shrimp and fresh greens salad. Little bit of cranberry, a taste of the candied yam, pumpkin pie, banana cream pie, then took a nice walk. I amazed myself, but I kept hearing Kim say it's okay, just walk ten minutes before and ten minutes after, well it worked. For once I had a Thanksgiving that I was not stuffed till I got sick for one or two days after.

I have been walking in the pool in the morning and walking at Home Depot at night. I am determined to be healthy for WLS. I live on the island of Hawaii and have to travel this coming Wednesday to the island of Oahu to have the surgery. Wednesday I get to visit the dietician who will give the scoops on what my meals need to be like after surgery, etc. Thursday I visit my endroconologist who will be monitoring my diabetes after the surgery, then later in the day I visit the surgeon for pre-op. Friday is surgery at 5 am. I never wake up at 5 am so that will be an experience in itself. I should be discharged come Monday.

From Monday 12/5 to 12/15, I'll be in Honolulu. I have to stay at the Hospital hotel and not come back to the island I live on till cleared by the surgeon. That is the pits cause I rather recover in my own home, but in case of any emergencies I have to stay in Honolulu. Thank goodness the hotel has a full kitchen so I'm taking my mini food processor and the hand held immersion blender that Kim suggested I get. I have two pretty little Japanese chawa mushi dishes and the little spoons in a pretty pink container. I've got a bunch of powder protein packets and an Igloo one quart insulated bottle. Now all I need to get in Honolulu are some Progresso soup, sugar free jello and popsicles and I am good to go.

I have a well meaning classmate who had beefed up his round about "don't do this surgery speechs", ended up with me telling him, "look I made up my mind and there's nothing you can say that will change my decision." He finally accepted things and has gathered 20 of my classmates for a "prayer team" for me. I am so very humbled. Prayers are powerful. Can't go wrong with a prayer team praying for you.

I'm ready for sugery. I am ready for a new healthier life.

12 days to WLS

Time is speeding by. Now I wish I had actually exercised for the past six months, ate healthy and all that. Now I am down to twelve days and my body aches from my two times a day walking but I am not stopping.

Walked in Walmart last night, stayed away from the food section, but I needed to get my glucose tablets. Bought myself some Take & Toss Infant Spoons less than $4, pretty colors, can wash or just toss away. Little bites, chew, chew, chew, right. Even checked out the baby foods section, haven't looked there for years so I was pleasantly surprised by the small portioned sizes available. I think I'll indulge in the fruits for the first couple weeks. My doctor has his patients quickly start with pureed foods after discharge from the hospital, so I have a small food processor I got for Xmas two years ago and thought my mom had lost her mind when she got it for me. My mom passed away a year and a half ago, I guess she knew I was going to need her gift one day. In Walmart they have a small blender that costs about $11.00, of course they were all out of it, I'll check for it again. The food processor and blender should be all I need for awhile. I have a small electric steamer which I will use to steam my vegies. Thanks to the encouraging advice received on this site and all that I read and keep rereading on Living After WLS, I have been able to be more positive about things. I no longer obsess about food and have been able to focus on a healthier way of living for myself.

I just keep telling myself that "if I don't take care of this body, I will have no place to live in" , can't get any more basic than that.

I have eaten my slice of pumpkin pie. Took Kim's Thanksgiving advice and walked before the slice of pie and walked after eating it. Will walk before Thanksgiving lunch and after.

I want to thank everyone who has sent their words of encouragement, words of advice, sharing your experiences........................priceless. From depression, doubt, second guessing myself, I am feeling quite confident and ready to start my life after WLS.

15 days to WLS

Walked in the pool this morning, then this evening after dinner, walked around Home Depot. Went up and down the isles, saw some neat stuff to fix the house. Up and down the isles, neat place to exercise. Was going to walk in Walmart but too many edible things to want to throw in the wagon.

Pictured myself thinner today. Just to be 100 pounds thinner would be great. Can't wait to get this surgery over with and move on to the next next chapter of my life. Even imagined myself playing with my grandkids instead of just sitting on the couch watching them.

This is getting exciting.

16 days to WLS

Just got back from walking in the mall. Spoke to the surgeon's nurse today, just had to hear her voice. Yes, Big Grandma your WLS day is just around the corner. Told her I was having a problem losing some weight before surgery, I seem to be stuck at 354. She told me what ever I do, do not gain any weight. She said that she cancelled 3 surgeries. One Lady gained 32 pounds. Yikes. But you know I can relate, that's why we having this surgery..............we eat when stressed, we stress when we eat. Well told myself no way am I going to have my WLS cancelled. I can't handle this waiting again. It just got to happen so I can begin a thinner healthier life.

So I walked at the pool this morning, then walked at the mall this evening. Watched what I ate all day. Snack, popcorn. I will exercise and watch what I eat, if I have to sleep thru Thanksgiving, so be it. WLS is a happening. This waiting for it is hard, but I will do it.

Watched Oprah today, the show on jeans. Imagine, I will be able to wear jeans again. Whoooopeeeeeeeeee!
Got to find the jeans with the strategically placed pockets in the back, to give me some "butt". So Big Grandma can strut her stuff. Jeans, a cute blouse, some heels, and a bling bling shoulder bag and this girl be good to go.

Another day closer to WLS.

21 days to go.

Yesterday went to the mall to walk around, it's been months since I've been to the mall, can't remember when the last time was. Bought myself a bronze bling bling purse. Buckles, gems, the works. Cute as ever. The young sales girl was helpful and I'm sure thought I can't believe this fat lady is buying that purse. Oh well. Then had my hair retouched, the blonde streaks look good.

Walked into an oriental store and spent time looking at these really cute Japanese dishes. Bought myself a tiny plate, a matching 3 ounce tea cup with a cover that when flipped over can also be used as a tiny plate. Pretty bamboo design. Wallah I have my first WLS dining set. I have this clear blue glass dessert dish that I can use as a tray and set these dishes on and have my meals. I think I have just started my collection of minature dishes.

I am having a hard time from indulging in what I shouldn't eat, but the portions are smaller and I haven't been snacking. I keep telling myself I have to be healthy for my surgery, those things will make me sick. I just keep thinking of how better my life will be after WLS. Every day is a challenge. Heh, you can do it Big Grandma, happy days are ahead of you. Happy healthy days.

I'm taking the advice of Claire and I am going to read only positive blogs and think positive constantly as Kim advises. I even bought these 2 ounce disposable plastic cups with covers and placed one by my computer and letting it sink in that this is what my new tummy will be able to handle.

Anyone named their new tummy? I think I will do that. Hmmmmmmmm. I'll come up with a new name for my tummy, she will not be just referred to as my "pouch". Hmmmmmm. A nice sexy, bling blingish kind of name, I think. A "you go girl" kind of name. A name that when she walked in the room, everyone will notice her self confidence, her flare for life, her determination to succeed. Look out world her she comes, kind of name. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Off I go to face the world today with a smile on my face and a determination to live a new healthier thinner life.

Twenty five days till WLS.

Got this tip from Kim:
Here is a tip for you to get ready for the months following your surgery. Buy some Dixie cups. The kind that you use in the bathroom for a quick sip of water. I used these as my disposable "dishes" after surgery. One little Dixie cup is about the size of your pouch. It seemed like such a waste to pull out a real plate or bowl. I also bought some little cheese/appetizer dishes. They are smaller than a salad plate and the perfect size for the new meals that you will be eating. A friend of mine gave me a silver baby spoon for an after surgery gift. I actually used that little spoon in the beginning to get used to taking small bites. Truly, the Dixie cups were very handy.

Great idea. All day I thought of my foods in dixie cup portions. And then I thought why not go out and get some pretty little dishes. Tiny Japanese oriental bowls, dishes and tea cups would be nice. You know how important the presentation of one's food is. No one said we can not have special dishes for our special meal.
And picking up those baby spoons may not be such a bad idea, they are pretty, and it will force me to eat small portions at a time.

Today I haven't been feeling too well. I've had the flu shot so I'm safe from the flu. I just want to get this surgery over and done with. This waiting is mind wrecking, all those what ifs. I've been reading alot of WLS blogs and some are very uplifting, some downright appalling. Got to pick what's uplifting and postiive to read.

I'm glad I'll be seeing my psych before and after surgery. Have so many things to sort in my mind. I am prone to worrying to much and I have the most vivid imagination ever.

I will look at these 25 days as an opportunity to do whatever it takes to be healthier for WLS. I will think positive. I will exercise. I will watch what I eat. I will be a thinnner, healthier me.

I will be able to buy some nice stylish clothes.
I will be able to sit in chairs and not worry about breaking them.
I will be able to walk between racks at the store and not knock things off the racks as I walk by.
I will be able to wear a bathingsuit and get rid of my 5xl shorts and t-shirt.
I will be able to put on the seat belt in the car and it will not be choking me.
No more belt extensions on the plane.
No more fat squeezed into the movie theatre seats.
No more having to go wait for the handicap stall cause I don't fit in the normal stall.
No more little kids pointing and saying look at that fat lady.

Hmmmmmmmmm, this is great listing things that will happen in the near future due to the miracle of WLS surgery.

Big Grandma there's a bright future within your grasp. You should be smiling that you can have this surgery.

Made it through another day. Was sitting here thinking of how life will be as a skinny person again. Yes, again. I was thin till I was about 21. So thin that I was called "Olive Oil" Popeye's girlfriend. Around 31 I started gaining weight and never stopped gaining. It is sort of unbelievable after trying all kind diets that WLS will work and I will not be so fat and I will be healthier.

It's weird what the thought of the day was. Thought all day about loose skin. Rolls of it. Trying to figure out where to put it till I can have it removed. Really how do you guys handle all that excess skin? I guess all the fat gone and loose skin is better than one huge belly. I'm built like a pear. Got skinny legs so no problem with them, but all this belly. All day wondered how long I going have to put up with loose skin and what I supposed to do with it in the mean time.

Be nice to paint my toe nails and not to practically pull my arm out to reach my toes. Or how about making like a contortionist and cutting off the blood circulation in my legs.

Better days are in reach. I really like the suppportive emails I have been receiving, this is one journey I can't go through alone. Need all the support I can get. Every day is a challenge.

I can do this. I will do whatever it takes to be a healthier, thinner person.

What a busy day I had today. So busy I didn't snack, just had a healthy breakfast, lunch and for dinner a nice salad and lean meat, and then bowl of brocoli. Lots of water.

This morning cleaned the garage. Sorted clothes to keep, clothes for Goodwill. I'm not running the clothes straight to Goodwill, I'm having separation anxiety. I have from 5XXXL to size 12. Packed them according to size. It will be fun giving them away as I lose wieght.

I'm going to have some ice cream later, just a scoop. I am not going to hold the 1/2 gallon and scoop away till all gone. I wonder if I will be able to tolerate milk products. I hear a lot of people have problems with it. Well there is always soy milk.

I feel good about myself today.

It's 11 pm and I have made it through this day. No snacks after dinner. Kept myself busy typing and sorting through paperwork, then visited my sister and talked about my upcoming WLS.

Today went to see my psychologist. Have been seeing her for almost a year now. Had so much to deal with after hubby's car accident and the stress from my job. Things are better now. I'm in more control of my life. We talked about the WLS and what I felt about it. I need my husband to not be so nonchalant about the surgery. I cried about needing him to say he will help me after the surgery. Sometimes he acts like he don't care and whatevers, but I so needy today. I need him to pledge his undying love for me.

So dramatic today, must be the lack of food. Or, like my doctor said it's the pre-surgery jitters.

Boy this is not easy at all. I don't mean the not eating junks, it's the waiting till the WLS. I think I'm having anxiety, panic attacks about it.

Need to keep myself busy and take each day as it comes. Concentrate on my new life after WLS.

Just got back from the pool. Told my husband he has to fix his own lunch or I will end up pigging out. I'll go take a nice shower, put on some makeup and go run some errands.

Fixed me a Medifast shake. Had a small tangerine a minute ago.

While walking in the pool I kept thinking of what I will look like same time next year without all this fat.
It's exciting. I like imagining the new me to be.

I will do whatever it takes to be healthy.

I will win this battle with Big Grandma and her bad eating habits.

After days of rain there is beautiful sunshine this morning. Made it till this morning. Last night was hard as I had only one apple after dinner and no other snacks. But I made it.

I'm starting the day with a bowl of oatmeal, boiled egg and slice of toast. Big deal? Yep, cause I was having my "last breakfast" every day, "banana pancakes, 3 eggs over easy, bacon and corn beef hash" so why am I shocked that I gained 11 1/2 pounds? Kept it up I would be almost 400 pounds on day of WLS.

No way.

I love oatmeal, take a packet, 8 oz water, zap in the micro. Good stuff. Took less than 5 minutes to make this breakfast. The other breakfast about 20-30 minutes. So what's up here?

Today I am going to go walking in the pool. Then clean the garage area.

Exactly 30 days till WLS.

Okay Meliss, let's go face the day.

I am adjusting my behavior to release me from my past.

With God all things are possible. Yes, it is !!!!!

Good morning Meliss. It's 30 days pre WLS. You are going to do what ever it takes to shed those 11 1/2 pounds plus a few. The goal is to be healthy for the surgery. You got to focus. Discipline yourself. It's just me and you Big Grandma.

Why am I having WLS?
Get rid of this diabetes for one. No more insulin shots. No more worrying if I going be blind, amputated or go on kidney dialysis.
No more worrying if I going to die in my sleep any day now.
No chest pains, not being able to walk, hard time breath, sore legs, back.
Tired all the time.
No energy. Depression.
Fat, shame that I am fat.
Miserably sickly fat, obese, sad always sad.

I don't like my body, in fact I hate the condition it is in.
I don't hate my body. I can't. It's the only one I have.

If I don't take care of this body. I will have nothing to live in.

Bottom line. Telling it like it is. This is not a joke. This is for real.

So do something about it girl. You did this to yourself. You can undo what you did to yourself, Meliss. You can.

I am my own worst enemy. I am eating myself to death. Got to stop destroying myself, now.

Today is the first day of my new life. Not December 2nd. Today or no December 2nd is going to happen. I have to start today.

Okay, today Meliss, Big Grandma.

I will walk away from this computer and begin my new life now.