Happy Days
On Saturday I attended a craft fair with my sister and just had great fun. We set up our booth, then took turns cruising around the booths talking story and checking out the various crafts, watching the entertainment and just enjoying being around people. I really miss doing fairs, it has been four years since I have done a fair before the one I did two weeks ago. I miss the looking at things that people have made and making things myself.
The real bonus is that I get to see crafters I haven't seen for a long time and they have nothing but nice comments about the smaller sized me. Sometimes I just need confirmation from others that I am glowing with health and I am not the old big me.
I am still amazed at the energy I have to set up the booth, and then walk all over the place and then take things down and still have some energy left. Life is truly better now and I want it to stay this way.
I really was missing out on life. I too have looked at my before pictures and have a hard time believing that I was that big. I never saw myself as that big. I was just me. I had decensitized myself to what I looked like. I wonder how in the world did I live in that body. How I struggled each day is amazing to me. How could I have let myself become so huge. It is hard to accept that this is the person I was. This is the person the world saw.
I don't like the old body of me. I did not love the old body of me. I could not stand my huge body. I could not understand how my husband could accept the big me and touch me. I did not love me, so how in the world could he. My thoughts were so self destructive. No wonder I had such a hard time with me. How could I have taken care of others and I did not take care of me. I abused myself. I was so depressed. Life was such a chore to live. It is no wonder that I was falling apart physically and mentally and leaving this life. I made such poor choices for myself.
Well, now that is behind me and I need to let that part of my life go so that I can venture into this new chapter of my life with no old baggage. I look in the mirror and I like the new me. I love this new me, ripples and all.
So today I went through all my old clothing and in a huge pile is all the old me clothes I was having a hard time giving away, 5XL to 2XL. I can still look good in some of the 1XL clothes but soon they will be given away too. I have no problem finally letting go of the old me. I was hanging on to the old me. But no more.
One day at a time.
I am going through emotional healing, untying the knots that represent the different issues in my life. I realise that healing is a process and what I have been doing is trying to untie all the knots all at once, by myself. Healing takes time. What was I thinking. I will let God heal me at his pace, untying one knot at a time. I trusted him to bring me through the WL surgery. I will trust him to help me through the second chance of life he gave me.
Things will get better for me in the days to come. I will not fail. God is in control. I am no longer afraid.