31 Weeks Post Op
I've been in San Antonio for 1 month now. Unbelievable. Time sure goes by quickly. Things are okay. I do miss Hawaii. Miss seeing the ocean and definetly miss the cool breeze. It's so hot here, I wish I could breath some real air instead of this air conditioning. It's kind of nutso as I get cold at times in the house due to the air conditioning and it is set at 75 degrees. So I go out on the back porch for a few minutes, get warmed up, then am too hot so I have to go back in the air conditioning and then get too cold again and go back outside to get warm again for a few minutes. My husband thinks I lost it as before I had to have the air condition blasting cause I was always too hot.
This week I haven't been doing too well with controlling my eating. I need to eat more protein as I am snacking on pretzels for no other reason than I am snacking like a fool knowing that it is definitely a no no. I lost a 100 pounds and I guess I think I can take a break from my WLS routine or something. Well, today is a new day and I am going to stick to my WLS routine as I have at least 70-80 pounds to go and there just is no vacation on this journey. I just don't know what I was thinking. It's those old habits creeping back. Scary how I can sabotage myself.
I like the new me, the thinner me. I like how I look. I feel so alive and so healthy. No way am I going back to the MO unhealthy me. This LAWLS is not easy. It takes a lot of will power to stay on track. I will do this. For Me. I have to if I want to be able to live.
I think I'll go to the Mall and find me some MO people and just watch them shopping. That should be a good reality check for me. It will help me remember how I struggled to shop. In fact I remember just shopping in places where there was a grocery cart so I had something to throw my purse in and lean on as I walked around. At the Mall I had to find a bench every so often to sit and rest. Maybe I don't need to go to the Mall, just writing about it is giving me flash backs. Maybe I need to blog more and definitely drop in to the LAWLS neighborhood more often.
I guess it's all about getting ones priorities straight. I can not be too busy for me. First me and then everything else. That was the core of my problem before, setting myself first. I have been falling back into that old habit, doing for others and setting myself on the shelf for laters, when I have time. Goodness, what am I thinking. I don't have time to waste. This is it. I'm 55 years old not 20, 30 or 40. There are so many more things I want to do in this life time. I will stop this back paddling and get myself moving forward again. Being alive is just too wonderful. WLS is nothing to play around with. I made a commitment when I decided to have this surgery and I am recommitting myself to the Journey today.
Date of Surgery 12/02/05: 349.7 pounds
Today 07/15/06 : 238 pounds
Goodbye Forever : 111.7 pounds

7 Months Post Op

Today 7/2/06 I am officially 7 months post op. I find it quite surreal that just last December 2, I went into surgery afraid, but so determined that I was going wake up from surgery and do what ever it took to get control of my health. It has not been easy. My only regret is that I did not have it earlier in life, but what days on earth that God has left for me, I will make the most of. I was given a second chance at life and I am ever so greatful.

This body of mine is all I have to live in. It is my duty to malama "take care" of it as without this body, I can be no more.

I look at this scar on my tummy and am reminded why I had this surgery. I was so very sick and there was so many things that I could not do just 7 months ago. Just to walk was a struggle, my legs hurt so and I struggled to breath after every step. I always had to sit and rest . I was always tired but was afraid to sleep because I was afraid that I would not wake up. I struggled to take care of myself, bathing, dressing and keeping myself fresh and clean. I was so depressed. So tired of being so big. So tired at times of just living. There was times that I would go to my grandmother's grave and plan my being buried next to her. I really had no plans for being around much longer.

Today I have a new outlook on life. I love living. I have plans to live. I see myself as a healthy senior citizen. I see a future of doing fun things with my hubby, with my children and grandchildren. I want to travel around. I want to go do the things that I couldn't do as a morbidly obese person. I wake up each morning and I can't keep still. I have so much of life to catch up on, so many things to more to do.

Date of surgery 12/02/05: 349.7 pounds
07/02/06 : 243 pounds
Goodbye Forever : 106.7 pounds

I really believe that this moving to San Antonio was a great idea, even though people look at me like I am crazy for leaving Hawaii. I do miss Hawaii, there is no place like Hawaii. I miss seeing the ocean every day. I do miss the cool breezes and the tropical plants. But, really I needed to venture out in the world and live again. Hawaii is always there for me, I can always return. My niece is taking care of my home there, I have a place to return to when I'm all old and grey and ready to settle down. Right now I just want to run around and discover new things and just live life to the fullest. It's nice being retired, not having a schedule that I got to follow, just doing things as I please.

Retired at 55, who would think. I am on social security. Fighting the State of Hawaii for medical retirement, but if I don't get it, at age 62 I can collect regular retirement. I think about going back to work but I also tell myself I deserve this time, to just enjoy life, with my husband. It's been a year and a half since I last worked and I am loving it. I have learned during this time that all the things I thought I had to have a really don't need. Especially with this moving, I got rid of so much stuff and realised how much money I wasted through the years. This time around as I set up my new home, I think before buying things, not wanting to be so wasteful this time around. I'm no longer hung up on material things.

I have this excitement in me, I find hard to explain. It's just this feeling of being so happy that I am alive and that there is so many things for me to do every day. So many things to look at, so many things to enjoy. Yesterday just sitting on the back porch watching the birds at the bird feeder, relaxing, reading the paper, just enjoying life, talking with my husband, so peaceful.
Life is good. I finally finished reading a novel and starting on another one. It's been so long since I have been able to just slow down and relax. Taking my time getting up out of bed, like what is the rush I don't need to go anywhere if I don't want to.

I definitely can get used to living like this. I never really realized how blessed I am.